


Kiss it better

by Amie33



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 05:26:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/719381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amie33/pseuds/Amie33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was not his fault.<br/>Everybody on set knew how he could be clumsy. He had stopped counting the number of things he had damaged or broken and the number of people he had hit or knocked while he wasn’t paying attention. They had never been anything important; anything that couldn’t be fixed or cured; a new camera, piece of sellotape or a plaster on Karen’s hand. Usually it would be enough. Right now though he listened to the pain coming from his back - radiating up his spine to his fingertips and down his legs. He would need more than just a simple kiss to make him feel better. And it wasn’t even his fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tisziny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisziny/gifts).



> Written for the Mattex Fic Exchange.  
> I think it'll be easier to read now that it's cut in different chapters ;)  
> Thanks to Rach for both organizing the exchange and beta-reading this fic for me!

It was not his fault.

Everybody on set knew how he could be clumsy. He had stopped counting the number of things he had damaged or broken and the number of people he had hit or knocked while he wasn’t paying attention. They had never been anything important; anything that couldn’t be fixed or cured; a new camera, piece of sellotape or a plaster on Karen’s hand. Usually it would be enough. Right now though he listened to the pain coming from his back - radiating up his spine to his fingertips and down his legs. He would need more than just a simple kiss to make him feel better. And it wasn’t even his fault.

The day had started like every other day. He had woken up in the early morning, taken a quick shower and had a coffee before running onto set. They were to shoot only one scene that day, but it needed a lot of preparation and complicated work. The Doctor was supposed to jump off a building and grab a rope that almost magically appeared in front of him. He had to stay hung up on this rope for a few minutes, flying across London. The scene involved both the technical shooting of the Doctor in the air and monologue; in this case, his saviour who was currently out of shot.

It was not the first time that Matt had to shoot something like that. As the Doctor, he often found himself in impossible situations. This one was just another one. He had already seen how it worked when they shot a character that seemed to fly or fall. He was no longer fearful of the idea. There was a lot of security. He would be held by a solid harness and other cables. The equipment was scrupulously checked before each take. There wasn’t any danger. _Theoretically_.

“Hello, darling,”

He smiled as he heard Alex’s voice - of course, the Doctor’s mysterious help was River. And even if she didn’t directly appear in that scene and only hear voice was heard, she had come to support Matt and help with his lines. He was only sure of one thing, he was happy to see her. It was always a pleasure to have her by his side. She had been a great mentor when they’d met; giving him some tips and believing in him even when he doubted he would be a good Doctor. As the years had passed by she had become a bit more than a brillant actress he had been a fan of, more than a simple colleague - a great friend.

She kissed his cheek and he had to remember that, yes, she was a friend. And he was hers. And as his friend, he shouldn’t wish that the kiss had lingered more than it had. Just so he could feel her lips on his skin a bit longer or smell her perfume again. He shouldn’t and he barely did. He was so used to pushing away that all of his thoughts about Alex that he barely realised them when they appeared. He had given up on the idea of being more than her friend to her a long time ago without really trying to fight for her. He’d had no chance. It was better to pretend that there was nothing than risking what they had. And if he was lucky, he could pretend long enough to convince even himself.

“Alex dear, you look beautiful,” he teased her and she giggled, punching his arm playfully. She didn’t realised that he wasn’t joking. Even without River’s clothing and makeup, she was beautiful. He doubted she was really aware of that.

“You’re not bad yourself,” she replied, looking down at him and grinning. He had been on set for a while now and had been prepared for shooting the scene. He was already wearing the harness and a few cables were dangling from his hips.

“Yeah well, you know one day I’m gonna complain to the director. When you had to do this you looked like Marilyn. I only look like...” He paused, helding a few wires with a desperate look on his face “a fly caught up in a giant spider web.”

Alex laughed again and he thought it was too much of a reward for such a bad joke. “I’m sure you’re going to do perfectly well.” She took his hand and briefly squeezed it with support. He hoped she couldn’t feel the tremble of his skin as she did. He smiled at her while his brain silently shouted at his body. He shouldn’t be surprised when she touched him and he shouldn’t react that way each time her skin comes in contact with his. It was annoying. A sort of enjoyable painful kind of annoying but still, it wasn’t appropriate.

He was thinking of something to reply with when he was called by the crew. He regretfully left Alex, climbing the little platform they have installed for the shooting. They would start with the Doctor jumping. Alex wasn’t needed for this scene but he realised she hadn’t gone very far, looking at him from the corner of the set and waving at him. He waved back at her and smiled.

One of the assistants checked all of his equipment for a last time; tugging at the cables and asking him if he was ready. He glanced around at the green screen covering the wall, trying to imagine that it was actually an urban scenery. They hadn’t shot the previous scene yet but Matt had read the script and knew it by heart. Even if there were a few changes to detail at the last moment, he knew enough to enter the Doctor’s mind.

He looked down, his feet a few inches from the edge of the platform. There were only a few meters between him and the ground; secured by a huge crash pad. But it wasn’t difficult to imagine it was actually a rooftop, and he was about to leap into the void. He knew there were crew and cameras all around him - as well as a lot of security procedures, yet he couldn’t help but feel a bit of apprehension. He quickly shook his head and tried to forget it. Everything would be okay.

Of course it wasn’t.

The director shouted “Action”, and Matt jumped for a first time. It only lasted a few seconds; while his body seemed to hesitate - like it was surprised of the lack of solid ground under its feet and wondered what it had to do. Then gravity took the hint and Matt felt himself falling, falling... before the harness finally stopped him with a jolt.

Matt blinked a few times while he was brought back down on earth. His heartbeat was a little faster than usual, but everything went fine for that take. The first time was always the hardest, they’d said.

Reassured by this first take, Matt climbed for the second time. He jumped when he was asked to. When he was back on the ground, his heart was beating a bit more calmly. Then it was a third take, and a fourth; by the time they reached the fifth all his apprehension was gone. He even laughed the next time. Between the moment the harness stopped him and he was back on his feet, the cable that kept him in the air making him turn and he felt like a neglected puppet.

The director wanted him to try different things - backwards, forwards, his arms in a position or in another. Then they were shooting from another angle... Matt knew they wouldn’t stop before they had the perfect sequence, so he repeated the same scene over and over again. He lost the count of his jumps, the number of times he climbed the platform and fell - again and again. He didn’t fear anything anymore and he even began to wonder why he had ever felt that something could have gone wrong in the first place.

He didn’t have the time to be surprised when suddenly, during one of their last take, things didn’t happen how they were supposed to. He reached the end of the platform and fell. There there was a click. Instead of finding himself hung in the air, he kept falling. Before he could realise what was happening, he was already hitting the ground.

He could hear someone crying and people rushing around him. For a few seconds he couldn’t move or say anything. He was lying on the crash pad and all his muscles seemed to cry in pain. It had been a violent shock. He couldn’t help but wonder what could have happened if there hadn’t been anything to cushion his fall, or if he had been falling from a higher point. At least he seemed to still be alive, in pain but alive.

“Matt! Matt, are you okay? Please say something!”

He opened his eyes to face golden curls that he immediately recognized as Alex’s. Even after what had happened there was no way he could make that mistake.

“Thank God, he’s conscious!”

He could feel her tiny hand squeezing his and even though he was in so much pain, it still felt good. She ran her fingers through his hair; her digits warm against his scalp. He blinked a few times before he could actually see her face - full of concern as a crowd of people surrounded him.

“What happened?” he managed to articulate after a while.

Some people shouted around him and he winced. It was like every sound entered his flesh and hurt him a bit more. He vaguely understood something about the harness breaking, or was it some cables that didn’t resist? He wasn’t sure. The only thing he seemed to be able to focus on was Alex’s fingers stroking his skin, and the pain. It seemed clearer now and he managed to take consciousness of his different body parts. He could move his toes and his fingertips (which certainly was good news), but his legs and back hurt like hell. He tried to lift his head but he stopped in the middle of his movement - the whole reality seemed to spin around him and he had to lie back down.

“Don’t move, the doctor’s coming,” Alex said to him and he smiled at her gracefully - or tried to at least. He was afraid the result looked more like a wince than an actual smile.

He waited a few minutes before the medical staff arrived. All the while Alex kept her hand in his. It felt good to have her presence as realisation slowly made it’s way through his mind - he had just fallen from a few meters high. _How bad was he injured? What could he risk? His first attempt had been a complete failure, would he ever be able to stand up alone again, and walk? Oh god, what would he do if he was badly hurt? Would he ever be able to act again? Would he be forced to change his career, his whole life, again?_ With all those questions, fear began to creep in and Alex must have felt it because she held his hand tightly as she repeated that everything would be okay. Maybe it was just to reassure herself? Which wasn’t very reassuring either.

Finally a doctor arrived and Matt reluctantly let go of Alex’s hand as he was examined. The doctor pressed his cold and rough fingers onto him, testing different place of his body; bones and muscles. He paid great attention to his neck while he kept asking questions - what parts were painful, could he feel his legs and arms, could he move?

After a few minutes, he seemed to be reassured and asked Matt to sit up. This time he succeeded. He was still a bit dizzy but it was better than earlier. The doctor checked his back, and Matt realised that was where the remaining pain was concentrated. He must have fallen on it and now it hurt like hell. When the doctor pressed his fingers against his lower back he grit his teeth in pain. At the same time another wave of fear filled him. He recognized the place; it was where he had been hurt years ago; the injury that had revealed the bad condition of his back and made him stop football.

When the doctor pulled his hands away, Matt was incapable of reading his face. He rummaged through his wallet and handed him two boxes of pills.

“These are painkillers” he explained as he showed the first box, “Take one now and then every couple of hours. You can take two at a time if it really hurts a lot. Those,” he showed the other one, “will help your muscles to relax. No more shooting for now. For the next few days you’ve got to stay at home, in a lying position, move only when necessary.”

“How bad it it?”

It was Alex who asked the question and Matt was glad she did. He wanted to know but somehow was afraid of the answer.

“You’re gonna be okay,” the doctor said and Matt let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “But be careful. If it had been anyone else I would have only recommended a good night and no stunts for a while. Your back has other issues though. You have to understand that you really have to stay in bed for at least a week, if you don’t want it to be more damaged than it already is.”

Matt nodded, reassured by the doctor’s words. He wasn’t really happy to spend the next days at home, lying in bed doing nothing. They had a strict schedule and they were already a bit late. He had no idea how they were going to wrap the whole episode in time. The idea of him jumping from a rooftop seemed to be seriously compromised. He was alive though,and not too badly hurt. He should feel happy about that and thought about the rest later.

“Okay, now we’re gonna try to stand you up.”

The doctor held his hand out and Matt grabbed it strongly. He didn’t have to ask to know that it hurt like hell.

Standing up was easier than he had imagined - but once he was standing on his feet, the pain was worst than he remembered feeling when he had been hurt years ago. He winced and groaned. There was no way he could stand completely upright. He must of looked like an old man - all crooked with only the cane missing. He wondered what it would be like if he had to stay like this for the rest of his life. He snorted at the idea that. Maybe the Doctor would finally have to show himself as a thousand and something year old.

“You should find someone to bring you home...”

“I’ll do it,” Alex replied before anyone else could react. She grabbed him by the elbow to support him and began to lead him to the changing rooms. “I wasn’t needed there anyway. I’ll be more useful with you.”And with those words, Matt fully understood that he had no choice but to accept her offer. He whispered a thank you, trying to hide how each step was painful for him as they walked.

Lots of people came to him while he exited the building, including the director of the episode, who apologized profusely for what had happened. He promised him they would try to understand what had happened and why he had fallen, when everything should have been checked and completely secured. If anyone from the staff was in fault they surely would be found and punished. Of course, he shouldn’t worry about the schedule. His health was more important. He would call Steven and tell him what had happened and they would see together if some changes could be made.

Matt thanked him and everyone else came to apologize or wish him to get better quickly. He barely saw their faces, thanking everyone without really hearing what they were saying. When they finally reached Alex’s car she helped him sit on the passengers seat. He let out a long sigh. Taking the boxes the doctor had given him, he swallowed a couple of pills to try to numb the pain. It would be a long week.  


	2. Chapter 2

 Alex and Matt were both silent the whole way back to his home. He kept his eyes closed and gritted his teeth the whole time. She knew he was probably in pain and didn’t want to talk right now. Seeing him fall had been one of the most terrifying thing she had ever witnessed. She couldn’t express the sensation that she had felt during the few seconds between the moment he hit the ground and when he finally opened his eyes and spoke to her. Her mind had been filled up with dramatic thoughts - _what if he was hurt, what if it was worse, what if he was dead? What would she do?_

The incident had made her realise something; she cared about Matt, more than she had ever realised. Of course she had always liked him as a younger co-star. He was kind, funny and flirty.They had a great time together. Filming with him was always a pleasure and she believed that they had become more than simply colleagues, friends. At least she had always told herself that. She had never wanted to hear that inner voice that sometimes whispered to her that being friends was just a bad excuse not to try to be more. The moment the harness broke and he fell, that inner voice she had succeeded to shush until then began to scream, scream until she couldn’t deny it anymore. She realised all the things she could have tried and all the things they could have done _together_. Suddenly it felt stupid not to of said anything because... because of what? Because he was so young, so brilliant, they were too exposed to what the press would say? It had felt stupid and irrational. He could have lost his life and that had felt very real.

He didn’t lose his life though. He was safe. Hurt but safe. She had let the doctor examine him and had heard his advice. She would make sure he did as he was told. She wouldn’t let him risk ruining his life.

The thing was, now that she was sure she only had to keep him in his bed (and, oh, that sentence didn’t sound as it should!), all her previous fears about his life in danger had disappeared and she didn’t know what to do anymore. Telling him about her feelings didn’t seem to be such a good plan. He was in pain and surely didn’t want a woman old enough to be his mother to bother him with her stupid feelings while he was so bad. She could wait for him to be better but then, what would she say? “ _I know what you think Matt, but I’m completely in love with you and your accident made me realise that I want to spend the rest of my life with you”_? It really sounded ridiculous.

She sighed as she arrived in front of his flat. She parked her car and stopped the engine but he didn’t seem to realize they had arrived, his eyes still closed. She took a few seconds to look at him. He seemed really bad. She didn’t want to make things worse by scaring him with her feelings. She should focus on taking care of him first.

She tapped his knee gently. He jumped and looked at her with surprise, like she had interrupted his thoughts.

“Here we are,” she said. “Are you ready to get out or do you want us to wait a bit?”

“No, it’s okay.”

She nodded and got out. He took off his belt and waited in the car as she made her way to his side. She knew that climbing the stairs to reach his front door would be hard for him. She would put him in bed and maybe make him some tea. He needed to rest and she would make sure that he did.

She was glad he didn’t reject her help. She had decided that she would not only take care of him for the day, but would wait until he was feeling better. She wasn’t sure she would be able to resist him if he asked her to leave him alone.

He let out a moan of pain as he stood up, and she did her best to support him. She felt a bit helpless for that part and her simple arm around his waist didn’t seem to be very useful. But it seemed to be enough for him, because he clung to her like like he’d never done before. She kicked the door closed and carried him into his flat.

As Alex had imagined, climbing the steps between the car and the door of his apartment was the most difficult. They had to stop at each step for him to gather his strength and fight the pain. He was resting almost all his weight against her and she was afraid for a moment she wouldn’t be able to support him all of the way. They reached the doorstep, both breathless and covered with sweat. She couldn’t believe they had only climbed a couple of steps.

The remaining walk was easier. Matt was resting on the last floor but the building had a lift they both welcomed. In front of his flat she took the keys Matt held her and opened the door.

“Sorry for the mess,” Matt apologized as they finally stepped inside, “I didn’t expect your visit, or I would have cleaned up a bit.”

Alex looked around her. It was a bit messy actually; dirty plates in the sink, empty bottles on the countertop. There were a few magazines here and there, and even a shirt lying in a corner. The place wasn’t that messy, and those words he had been the first he’d said that had no link with his accident. They were almost the only words they exchanged since then, in fact.

“It’s okay Matt. I have seen worse. Now, let me take you to bed.”

“Cheeky,” he replied and she smiled. Even if he was still in pain he could flirt, she knew it was a good thing.

The walk to his room was easier; there were no steps and he could use the walls for support. Soon they reached his bed and Alex helped him to lie down. He sighed in relief and she did the same at she sat next to him.

“Thank you,” he said after a few seconds of silence.

“You’ll thank me later. You didn’t think I was done with you, did you?” He looked up at her in surprise but she didn’t let him the time to reply. “Stay here, I’m gonna make you tea. It’ll help you feel better.”

“Will it?”

“It will.”

She winked at him and patted his knee before exiting the room. She heard him sighing again as she walked away and her heart tightened in her chest. He might have flirted with her but she shouldn’t forget how badly injured he was.

She headed back to the main room, stopping after a few steps. She looked around her at what he had called “a mess” and wondered where she should start. Then she focused on her first goal : tea. While the water boiled she could begin to clean. So she put the kettle on, washed a couple of mugs, added the tea-bags, took sugar from the cupboard and opened the fridge to take some milk. It was only when she saw the food that she realised that her stomach was growling and thought that Matt must be hungry too. Glancing at the clock, she realised it was already past lunch time. So she let the water boiled a little longer while she cooked some pastas - it would be quick and he didn’t have many things by the way. She took a mental note to buy some food for him.

Half an hour after she’d left she was back in Matt’s room, a tray in her hands with two plates and steaming mugs. She noticed Matt hadn’t moved and she couldn’t help but feel relieved. She didn’t know how much time he would resist the urge to stand up and move. It would be easy today and the following day when the pain would still be there, but she guessed it would be more difficult to make him stay still once he started to feel a bit better.

For now, he turned his head and his smile could barely hide the pain he must of still been feeling.

“I thought you promised me tea?”

“There _is_ tea. But I thought you may eat something too.”

“I’m starving.” She couldn’t tell if he was really hungry or if he only said so to please her.

She placed the tray on the bedside table and helped him to sit up, fluffing his pillow until he was in a good position. He said something about the fact that he could have done it alone, but she also heard his moan and saw him wincing in pain. She knew she wasn’t so useless. Once she was sure he was okay, she handed him the tray and sat down next to him.

“Thank you Kingston,” he said and she smiled.

“I told you to thank me later.”

“Technically it _is_ later.”

“When you feel better,” she specified.

“You’re too good to me.”

“I know.”

They both stayed silent after that, both eating and lost in their thoughts. Alex wondered if he had understood what she’d meant - that she intended to look after him until he was fine again. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, she wasn’t sure if it was the right moment to talk about it. She would come everyday and see if he got tired of her. For now she was there and if he didn’t ask her to go, she wouldn’t.

“How are you feeling?” she asked after he took a couple of pills while sipping his tea. He winced at her before answering half jokingly, half bitterly.

“Like I’ve fallen from a rooftop.”

“Matt..”

“I don’t know. For now it hurts like hell. But I suppose I must feel lucky that I’m still feeling something.” He stopped, staring at his plate while wrapping the same spaghetti again and again around his folk. She waited, knowing he was thinking about what to say. “It could have been worse you know. When I got hurt, years ago it was painful and it changed my life. But it could have been worse. I could have been paralysed, or in constant pain. It didn’t happen that way and I can live almost normally. I know, I’m used to it. I just hope it won’t stop me from doing what I like. Again.”

“It won’t, darling. You’ll be better soon.”

She covered Matt’s hand with hers and he smiled weakly at her. “I hope you’re right.”

They didn’t talk much after that, finishing their plates in silence. It was suddenly broken by the ringing of his phone and he glanced at the screen before mouthing a “sorry, have to take this.”

Alex nodded as he picked up. She gathered their empty plates and exited the room as he spoke. She washed the dishes and as she could still hear him as she tidied up a bit; putting the empty bottles in the bin and gathering magazines, picking up the clothes and sweeping the floor. An hour later she finally looked up at the now cleaned place with the feeling that something good had be done. She headed back to Matt’s bedroom. He was still on the phone but spotted her and waved at her to come in.

“Yes mum... No, don’t worry. I’ll be fine... Yes. Alright... I’ll call you back. I love you too.”

He hung up and sighed as she sat on the bed.

“It’s your mum. She’ll never stop worrying for you.”

“I don’t know. Do you feel the same about your daughter? ”

She laughed. “You should see Salome when she rolls her eyes at me and puffs that she’s a big girl now and can manage on her own.”

“I’m sure you’re a great mum.”

“I’m sure your mum is too.”

He smiled at her and held his hand out, changing the subject and turning the telly on. “Want to keep me company a bit longer?”

Alex nodded and settled next to him against the pillows. They spent the rest of the afternoon watching crap on telly while picking up some sweets (she didn’t even know where they came from, he had seemed to take them out from nowhere, and she suspected him to have a secret hiding place under his bed). When the sun set Alex tore her eyes off of the telly and stretched out. She found Matt fully asleep next to her, snoring soundly. She turned the telly off, and covered him with a blanket. He didn’t even stir in his sleep, and she was glad to see he seemed calmer.

She made him a few slices of toast and left him a note, turned off all the lights and left after a last glance at his sleeping form.


	3. Chapter 3

Matt was woken up by another wave of pain. He groaned and held his hand out, looking for his box of pills blindly. His fingers ran over the surface of the bedside table and came into contact with something that wasn’t his pills. Finally with a few more motions he could grab the boxes and he take the medicine without any water. He tried to focus on his breathing while the pills moved down into his stomach, waiting for them to work.

He drifted back into a sleep without realising it. When he opened his eyes the next time, he was feeling a bit better. The pain was still there but it didn’t feel as bad as it had been before. He didn’t move for a long time, doing nothing but contemplating the ceiling. He didn’t feel sleepy anymore but couldn’t really move or do anything. The doctor had been very clear. He should move as little as possible if he didn’t want his back injury to get worse - ending up paralysed or limping for the rest of his life. The recommended treatment - staying in bed for the next week, wasn’t really exciting.

Matt had no idea when he had fallen asleep. He remembered eating with Alex and then the different phone calls - Steven had told him how sorry he was and that of course they were rearranging the schedule until he fell better, and then the other call had been his Mom. He had no idea how she could have known about the incident so quickly. He had also replied to a few texts from Jenna and even Arthur had known and sent him his good wishes. Then Alex had been back and they’d talked and watched telly... He guessed his pills had finally taken an effect and made him relax and sleep. The last thing he remembered was watching a documentary about threatened species and Alex’s shoulder against his own.

He had no idea why she had decided to do all those things for him that afternoon, but it had been great to have her with him. Since Karen and Arthur had left a few months ago, she had been his closest friend on set and he needed her presence now more than ever. She was the only one on set that he would have allowed to take him back home like that. He knew he would have rejected everybody else’s offer. He usually didn’t like people to see him while he didn’t feel good. With Alex it was different. He didn’t need to hide who he was and pretend everything was right all the time. He also knew that if he asked her to leave, she would without asking him anything. if he asked her to come back, she would surely do so. He wanted her to but he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to ask her. She surely would have more important things to do than spending another day with him. He wasn’t even good company, stuck in bed as he was.

He wasn't sure his bladder would wait any longer. He thought about the distance between his bed and the loo and he knew it would hurt - just lying like that after taking his pills the pain hadn’t completely disappeared. Standing up and walking would be a hard task, moreover now that he was alone and didn’t have Alex’s arms to lean on.

He waited a few more minutes before making a first attempt. He sat up first and that motion seemed surprisingly easy. Then he turned around, taking his feet off the bed to put them on the ground. He took a deep breath, knowing this was the moment when things got complicated. His hands wrapped tightly at the edge of the bed and he pushed on his feet to lift himself - one inch, two, three... He groaned and sat back down. Okay then, a vertical position wasn’t the best option. Maybe if he tried to stay a bit bent?

After a few more attempts, he finally managed to stand up, or at least to remain in a position that could make him walk. Not bothering with turning the lights on, a hand upon his back for support and with the other one seeking for walls and furniture for support, he somehow headed to the bathroom. After what seems to be hours, he reached his goal. Then he was back for another walk. He was starting to wonder if he could do the whole way back to his bed, the few steps he had already made having taken the only strength he seemed to have. He thought that maybe he could spend the rest of the night lying on the floor; there between the bathroom and the carpet, when his attention was caught.

There was a plate on his bedside table. Now that it was in front of his eyes, he remembered what he had felt earlier when he had woken up and had been looking for his pills. Apparently, that was that - a plate, with what looked like a sandwich in it, and a note. He smiled, knowing it was from Alex (unless someone else had come into his flat and made him food before disappearing). Suddenly, he felt very hungry again. He hoped he wouldn’t spend the whole week in his bed doing nothing but eating and watching telly, or he wouldn’t fit the Doctor’s suit anymore. The pain in his back was still there and he was still weak from his previous expedition to the loo, but it didn’t feel so bad now. The sight of what Alex had left him - the proof of her taking care of him, gave him the strength he needed to come back to his bed. The idea of staying on the ground seemed ridiculous when there was a sandwich waiting for him and, more importantly, a note from Alex.

He reached his bed and quickly laid down. Taking the sandwich in one hand and Alex’s note in the other, he read while eating.

“ _I’m sorry to leave you without saying goodbye,”_ it said, _“but I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll come back for breakfast. If you need anything, call me, even in the middle of the night. Sleep well. xx Alex.”_

And besides, she had added _“Don’t forget: don’t get up”._

He couldn’t help but smile, wondering what she would have said if she had seen him walking to the bathroom like he just had. But there was no way he couldn’t move at all for a week. Even if it hurt and even if it took him all his strengths, he wouldn’t stay in his bed all the time. Today it had been the bathroom. Tomorrow or more likely, later today, he would try to walk to the main room. Watching Alex make breakfast was one thing he wanted to see with his own eyes. Or maybe he would let her bring it to him like she had yesterday with his lunch? He had to admit, he and Alex and food in a bed, that was a wonderful combination he was eager to find again.

He finished his sandwich and brushed off the crumbs that had fallen on his shirt, before lifting his hips as best as he could to take off his jeans and socks for the rest of the night. He closed his eyes then, trying to sleep. The image of Alex was in his mind, cooking for him and wearing nothing but an apron.

Instead of making him sleep, the fantasy kept him more awake than he’d wanted. He didn’t know if it was only the thought of an almost naked Alex, or the fact that his little walk had helped his body react this way. He couldn't’ sleep. Pain had come back stronger too and he knew he couldn’t take more pills; he had probably swallowed more than he should have already and he didn’t want to risk being ill. He wanted to move to ease the pain, but he couldn’t find any position that made him feel better. As a matter of fact, the only position he was allowed was lying on his back and it wasn’t the one he was used to sleep in. When he closed his eyes and tried to think about something else, images of Alex flooded his mind, causing him another pain which was both physical and emotional.

At around 4am he grabbed his phone and wondered if he wouldn’t call or text her. But what would he say? “Can’t sleep” and interrupt her own dreams? “I miss you”? She would find him annoying, think he was joking or worse - believe that he meant it as a _friend_ , when he wanted to have today’s intimacy every day, with bonus kisses and touches. But there was no way he would be able to have that, she would simply laugh at him. So he stared at his phone for a long time, even opened up a new text a few times, before putting the mobile back on his bedside table without sending anything.

The sun was already creeping inside his room when he finally drifted back into sleep, trying to ignore the ache in his back and the hole in his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

As she had promised Alex came back the next morning. Her arms were full of grocery bags. She had stopped by the closest Tesco to bring some food and everything she thought Matt would need for the next week. She called for him while entering the flat but he didn’t reply and she didn’t try again. He must have heard her and if he hadn’t reacted yet she assumed he was still asleep.

She put her bags on the countertop and headed to his bedroom. She wanted to be sure he was okay. She couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t still worrying. She couldn’t help but wonder how he had managed, all alone for the whole night. What if he wanted to stand up, what if he had missed something? She wasn’t sure he would have called as she had asked him to.

But he was fine. She found him in his bed with his arms under the cover, nose hidden against his pillow. He was sleeping, but looked exhausted. His face was pale and there were dark rings under his eyes. His features seemed tensed, almost in a wince. He was okay, but it looked like his night must have been difficult. Alex had to admit she didn’t sleep very well either.

She had gone back to her flat after leaving Matt, willing to go straight to bed or perhaps have a hot bath first. Instead, she had made herself some tea and had sat on her couch, turning the telly on and not paying attention to what had been on the screen. She had been knackered, yet every she had tried to close her eyes she had seen the same thing again and again - Matt, falling and lying still on the ground. She knew she shouldn’t think about it anymore. He was safe. It wouldn’t help him to keep worrying. But she couldn’t exactly control her fear, could she?

She hadn’t realised she was falling asleep until she had suddenly woken up, her thoughts in a blur. According to her shaking hands and her heart beating madly against her chest, she must have had a nightmare. Matt had been involved, she had been sure. She’d been glad she hadn’t remembered the details. Reality had been scary enough.

She had calmed herself before picking up her now empty and cold mug, putting it in the sink to wash later. Some things could wait. She should get into bed and try to sleep a bit if she wanted to take care of Matt tomorrow. Walking into her bedroom, she had needed another couple of hours to find a dark and tormented sleep. The early sunlight awoke her, her sheets damp and she didn’t know if it was with tears or sweat.

In his room now, she approached the bed and tried to be as quiet as she could. She noticed the empty plate still on the bedside table and picked it up. At least he had eaten something since yesterday’s lunch. She smiled at the crumbs that were covering his sheets. If it wasn’t for his frowning face, he would have looked like a child - but somehow today it made him seemed older than she had ever seen him. It had always amazed her, how he could be the Doctor and truly act like a thousand year old person. Despite his own feature, he could be old inside - in a good way. Experienced, skilled, confident. Maybe it was what had made her fall for him; this mixing of youth and age. Or was it the fact that he always seemed to care about her? Smiled at her, whatever the day had brought to him, joy or sadness? Or what it his constant flirtiness, that made her see signs where there probably weren’t any? Was it his long fingers, the way they always made her shiver when they touched her skin? Or maybe it was his fringe, always coming in front of his eyes and sometimes she couldn’t resist, brushing it off his face to see it falling back in place the moment after.

The phone ringing made her jump and she realised that somehow she had sat on the bed and her hand was just a few inches from his face. She pulled back hastily. The noise was waking Matt and he blinked at her while she rummaged in her pockets to pick the call up.

“Hello?”

She exited the room while Steven began to speak and she waved at Matt, mouthing “sorry” and “I’ll be back.” She spent almost twenty minutes on the phone with her her boss before she could actually come back in Matt’s room.

“Hi!” she greeted him. He was really looking bad, obviously lacking of sleep and she briefly wondered if he could see the same of her own face. She had made sure before she left to put the right amount of make-up to cover her tired face without it to being too much. She didn’t want to make it obviously that she really cared about him. For now though he didn’t see anything; instead he grumbled what looked like a “Hi,” mimicking hers, but she couldn’t be sure. His voice was muffled by his hands rubbing at his face.

“Bad night?”

“Yeah.” He moved his hand a bit lower to look at her. “You don’t look better,”

“Oi!” She smacked his arm playfully, eluding the fact that he actually had seen she was tired too. For a brief moment his face lighted up, and she could almost see the shape of a smile under his fingers; but then it was gone as quickly as it had appeared while he moaned. “It still hurts?” she asked, while the answer was obvious.

“Yes,” he breathed out, as if even speaking was painful, “it’s worse actually.”

“Did you take your painkillers?”

“I swallowed the whole box.”

She frowned, glancing at his bedside table in search of his pills. He didn’t take them all of course, but she could see that there were a lot gone already.

“Maybe we should call the doctor. If they don’t have any effect we could -”

“No,” he snapped at her with a groan, “I already had stronger meds. It didn’t change anything.”

“Oh.” She pursed her lips. He shifted uncomfortably next to her and huffed. He was actually visibly suffering and she wished she could do something for him. “I know what you can do,” she finally said after thinking for a few seconds. He opened his eyes and looked at her with a mix of hope and disbelief. “A bath.”

“Really?” He didn’t seem to be convinced but she wouldn’t give up without a fight.

“It works for me. Of course i’ve never felt the way you do and I can’t tell you the pain will magically disappear, but it will help you to relax. You’ll feel better. Trust me.”

Her last words seemed to work and he finally agreed. “Okay. I guess I can try and see if it works.”

She smiled at him and got up, heading to the bathroom. “I’ll be back. Don’t move.”

“I don't plan to.” She could feel all his exhaustion in his voice. It really hurt her to see him like that; he was usually so happy, never complaining about anything. She believed him when he said that it was worse than yesterday, when he still could joke and flirt with her. She couldn’t imagine the pain he must feel to be in such a bad mood now. She really hoped the bath would help him.

Ten minutes later she was back in the room. Matt hadn’t move and for a second she thought that maybe he had fallen back to sleep, still, eyes closed. But he snapped them open as she approached.

He managed to sit up on his own, his feet solid on the ground.

“Okay, ready?”

“You don’t have to...” he tried to protest but it was useless. She bent over, wrapping her arms around him to help him to stand up.

“Come on. I count to three.” She ignored his statement and he didn’t even try anything else. Instead they focused on the effort they would have to make. “One... Two... Three.”

Matt rested his weight on her while she pulled him up, and somehow they managed to lift him up from the bed. But he stopped her in the middle of the movement, groaning in pain.

Alex gave him time to accommodate the new position, but she wasn’t sure she could hold him long. She was half-bent, half-standing, Matt pressed against her and his breath hot against her neck. He was only wearing a t-shirt and his boxers and she could feel _everything_. She shivered; she wasn’t sure if it was because of the effort or the proximity of their bodies.

After what felt like an eternity, he eventually allowed them to move again. The second part seemed easier and he was almost completely standing when there was a crack, and Alex recognized the horrible sound of bone. Matt yelled and for a second she froze. What had they done?

“Matt,” she finally breathed out tentatively. She was sure her voice was trembling with fear.

“It’s okay,” he replied. “Actually, I think I feel better.”

She stared at him incredulously as he pulled away from her. He ran a hand down his back, the other still holding her. “It still hurts, but it feels better.”

Alex sighed in relief. “Oh god, you scared the hell out of me. I thought you had something broken.”

“Sorry. It happens sometimes. But it’s okay.” He smiled at her, what looked like an actual smile this time and not a rictus of pain. “I think I would still appreciate help to walk though.” She smiled back, arm around his waist and together they reached the bathroom without any more incidents.

Once they were inside, Alex let go of Matt and he leant on the sink for support. “Okay. If you don’t need my help anymore, I’m gonna leave you alone...”

“Actually...”

She looked at him, wondering what he was going to ask her. Her mind wasn’t racing at all. They were in his bathroom, there was already steam in the whole room and he was wearing nothing but a slick layer of cotton that he was about to take off very soon. She didn’t know if she was feeling hot because of the bath warming the room up or because of the thought of what he was about to do.

Then she realised he was staring at the bath and it hit her. He would have to enter the tub, which meant lifting his leg up and then his other, without losing his balance. Knowing him and his clumsiness it was a miracle he hadn’t killed himself yet while trying to take a bath, so now that he was injured...

She gulped.

“I could manage alone, but I’m not sure...”

“No, no, this is silly. I don’t want you to die because you knock yourself on the tiles,” she hastily cut him off. “I’ll help you.”

“Okay. You sure?”

“Yes.”

He nodded and he began to undress, a bit unsure at first. She cleared her throat and turned her back to him. She tried not to pay attention, looking at his towels and his different bottles of shower gel and shampoo. She could hear him groan and she glanced away. “If you need some help...” she began, and trailed off. She wasn’t sure if she could tell Matt that she would happily take his clothes off. Even if he probably wouldn’t understand the double entendre of her sentence.

“It’s okay.” A few seconds later his shirt and underwear fell on the ground, and she knew he was now naked behind her.

Alex took a deep breath before turning back. Matt was there, completely bare, his skin a light red as he blushed. She pretended to ignore how embarrassing the situation was for them both and offered him her arm instead. He took it with trembling hands, but she didn’t know if it was from his previous effort or because she was in the same room as him while he was naked. She tried to hide the fact that her own body was shaking too and she knew exactly why.

Alex tried to keep her eyes off of him as they manoeuvred towards and into the tub, but realised it was nearly impossible. He was so close to her, his skin under her fingers and his hips pressing against hers. His weight was leaning on her as he stepped inside and so naked, she couldn’t resist glancing. As he clearly avoided her gaze, focusing on his motions, she could even see everything she wanted to see.

She couldn’t deny that she was amazed by his body. First he was young, so much younger than her or anyone she had seen naked recently. Second he was in good shape. She couldn’t deny it was enjoyable to look at him. His muscles seemed firm but not too much, just as she liked. She dreamt for a second that she could run her fingers down his stomach just to see him quivering under her touch. She would die to tickle his ribs too, cover his chest with hot kisses. If she looked lower - ah, she wasn’t disappointed. Everything looked good, maybe even more than good. She would be glad to help him to warm up, if the bath wasn’t enough.

“Wanna climb in the bath with me?”

Matt’s voice startled her and she blinked in surprise, blushing furiously.

“Wh- what?”

It took her a moment to realise that he was now inside the tub and she could let him go. She cursed herself for having stared at him so long and so intensely that she hadn’t realised it. She also understood now that he hadn’t really asked her to take a bath with him; it was just a way to lighten the atmosphere. It was, wasn’t it?

She let go of his arm, mumbling something about getting out and gathering some clothes for him. He didn’t seem to pay attention, laying in the water and moaning in delight as he started to relax. She couldn’t bare it any longer. She left the room, telling him to call her if he needed something.

Closing the door, she leant against it for a moment and tried to calm her breathing and gather her thoughts. She needed to stop it, right now. It was Matt, he was her friend. She was just helping him. Nothing more. She shouldn't have those inappropriate thoughts about him while he was so fragile. She shouldn’t, and she couldn’t because if she kept on this way, she wouldn’t survive the day.  


	5. Chapter 5

 As soon as Alex was out of the bathroom, Matt closedhis eyes and let out a long sigh. It was caused both by the hot water enveloping him and slowly relaxing his bruised muscles, and the tension melting away after Alex had left. He didn’t know what had happened to him when he asked her to help him to get into the tub. What had he been expected? What had he been aiming for? The only thing he had managed was to get both of them embarrassed.

Was it the only thing bothering him? He knew she had looked at him - bless, of course she had. He had been completely naked in front of her, she would have have to be blind not to look at anything. She had looked at him. She had blushed and had quickly ran away out of the bathroom when he had been settled in the tub. It didn’t mean anything - he was sure he would have done the same if it had been her naked.

Except that was the point, wasn’t it? If she had been naked in front of him, he would have done exactly the same things she had just done. He’d stare at her while she pretended not to look at him, kept his hands to himself while imagining what it would feel like to touch her body, and finally rush out of the room to hide his embarrassment - and other things. It would have been far from innocent.

No. He had to stop it. It wasn’t what had happened to her - at least not the part where she was supposed to dream about his fingers on her skin. He was just trying to project his own thoughts of her. Her attitude had only been the one of a friend trying to respect him. Nothing more.

Matt sighed again. He should stop thinking about what had just happened and focus on relaxing more. The pain of his back and his fatigue made him see things that didn’t exist, things that could never exist.

He laid further down in the water, until his head was resting just at the surface. He let his mind wander, keeping thoughts about Alex away. He could slowly feel his body relaxing, the pain being eased by the warm water he was in as his mind calmed down.

“Matt?”

He jumped. He had no idea how much time he’d spent in the tub but according to his skin shivering, it had been a while.

“Are you okay?” Alex was staring at him, the door opened just enough to let her poke her head inside.

“Yes, yes,” he replied, running a hand on his face and into his hair, “I think I slept. How long have I been in here?”

“Half an hour.”

Oh. Yes, he had fallen asleep, and longer than he had imagined.

“Do you want to get out?” Alex asked after a silence.

“Yes. Just give me five minutes.”

She nodded and stepped out. He closed his eyes back, briefly this time; he didn’t want to sleep again. He just needed a moment. It was always difficult for him to come back to reality when he woke up after a nap like that. Especially when it was still the morning and he had spent an awful night trying to sleep.

He finally gathered the strength to take the soap and try to clean himself. He realised his motions were easier. Even if the pain was still present, longing in his back, he didn’t feel it too much now. He had doubted that a bath would really do something but obviously he had been wrong. He should thank Alex.

The bath getting colder every second made him shiver. He should step out. But first, he needed a towel; he didn’t want to repeat the same scene as earlier with Alex. He scanned the room and realised fresh towels were actually within easy reach. There were also clean clothes properly folded in the cabinet. Other attentions from Alex, he assumed. It made him think about that morning. He had been awoken by her phone ringing and despite everything being a bit in a blur he could have sworn that she had been as surprised at him. She had been close to him, very close, her hand almost touching his face. What had she been about to do?

He shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts once more. She wasn’t acting like she cared about him more than she should - unlike him. He tried to repeat what seemed to be the key word in their relationship that he shouldn’t forget. _Friends_. They were friends.

He wasn’t sure he could remember it if she kept acting like...

x.

A few minutes later they were both in the main room, Matt lying on the couch while Alex was preparing breakfast in the kitchen - a _whole_ breakfast it seemed, not just a few slices of toast and jam. From where he was, he could smell the bacon roasting while the eggs were turning into an omelette and the water was boiling in the kettle for the tea. Matt hadn’t realised he was so hungry before smelling all those good things. It was just a shame Alex wasn’t wearing only an apron, like in his dream.

She had helped him get out of the tub earlier and he had studied her closely. He had come to the conclusion that there was nothing strange in the way she acted. She had seemed relieved that he had put a towel around himself this time and she clearly avoided looking at him. Maybe had he completely imagined what he had seen earlier? Or maybe he had just taken her by surprise and she hadn’t realised what she had been doing? Because there was nothing unusual in the way she was with him this time. Unless she acted very well... which, as he thought about it, was true. She was a very good actress. But she didn’t need to play a role when she was with him, at least he hoped so. _He_ didn’t feel the need to act when she was around...

She had let him dry himself, waiting for him at the door. When he had finally been dressed and ready to go, he had told her that he didn’t want to go back to the bed (the bed that, he had realised, she had completely cleaned and tucked in while he was in the bathroom). She had seemed surprised and reminded him of what the doctor had said - _stay in bed_. He had corrected her by telling her that he was supposed to lie down, not specifically in his bed. He couldn’t spend a whole week in his room. It would kill him. Alex had seemed to understand that, so she’d helped him walk through his corridor and to where they were now.

He looked at her while she cooked and brought the plates to him. He could get accustomed to that. Alex, in his flat. Alex, in his kitchen. Alex, sitting next to him on the sofa. She looked like she was made for his world, completely at ease with everything around. She suited the place. She suited him.

“They have settled a new schedule.” She broke his thoughts and he realised he must have been staring at her for the past few minutes. He had no idea what she was talking about.

“What?”

She raised a brow at him. “The shooting. They had to change it since you are...” she seemed to hesitate, pursing her lip for a second, “unavailable for a moment.”

“Is it why Steven called you for?”

“Yes,” she agreed, and he was glad he could make the right connections again. “We’re shooting all my remaining scenes tomorrow. Then we’re shooting all of Jenna’s and beginning her scenes for other episodes, to try not to be too late. They also changed the scenes you were shooting when...” She cleared her throat, and he was sure she was doing all she could to avoid talking about his accident. “... when you fell. River appears directly in front of the Doctor so you just have to step next to her. They also changed minor details here and then, so you won’t have to run and jump too much. Steven will send you the changes, and he told me to remind you that you could call him whenever you want.”

He nodded, and tried to remember he had to call Steven later, to thank him and study the new scripts with him. He wanted to come back at work as soon as he could. Firstly because the more he waited, the more they would be late and the more difficult it would be to catch up. And also because he wouldn't be able to bear to stay here doing nothing while he could be there and doing his job. He loved his job. In his opinion it was the best job of the world, the Doctor was really the best role of his life. It made him meet Alex. Wasn’t it the best thing that could have happened to him?

“Wait,” he suddenly realised what she had said, “you shoot tomorrow?”

“Yes. That’s what I told you.”

“Oh.”

If she was shooting, she wouldn’t be able to be there with him.

“I will cook a few things and bring you everything you need. And I’ll try to come tomorrow evening, to check everything is okay. And of course you can call me whenever you want if you need something.”

He looked at her with surprise, putting his fork back at the rim of his plate. She was looking at her own eggs, like she had said the most casual thing. He wanted to ask her, why would she be doing all this for him? But maybe she had the right attitude. It wasn’t a weird thing and he shouldn’t make such a deal about it.

They ate and didn’t talk about the shooting anymore. After lunch Matt lay back down on the couch and Alex sat at the other end, putting his feet on her lap. They talked about nothing and many things at the same time and he could feel her hands stroking his skin absentmindedly while they did. He tried not to focus too much on her touch. When they were tired of talking they turned on telly and Matt fell asleep again.

When he woke up, Alex wasn’t next to him anymore, but she wasn’t far away. She was sitting on the sofa in front of him, legs tucked beneath her as she read a book. She didn’t realise immediately that he was awake and he took the opportunity to look at her carefully. Her eyes were scanning the book with interest, moving in rhythm with her reading. Sometimes they stilled and she frowned or smiled at the book. Regularly, her hand came to her nose, as if she wasn’t accustomed to her glasses. Her lips were pursed slightly, sometimes mouthing a word she was reading. She was the cutest sight ever.

He stared at her for a few minutes, before finally clearing his throat. She smiled, closed her book and took her glasses off. The magic was gone.

They spent the rest of the day doing nothing particular. After dinner Alex declared it was time for her to go home. They were shooting early and she didn’t want to be late. She helped Matt to go back onto his bed before she left.

“Have a good night. And call me if you need anything.”

“I will,” he promised, even if he was sure he wouldn’t.

“Take care.”

She kissed his cheek and smiled at him. And then she was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

 Matt’s night went better than the previous one. He slept really well in fact, falling asleep without any difficulty and waking up only in the morning. He yawned and stretched out, keeping his eyes closed just a little more. Nothing was waiting for him today, he could take his time. He wanted to stay in this state. He always felt after a good night, when he didn’t really know if he was sleeping or awake. He tried to remember what he had dreamt about, but nothing came back to him. He was feeling good, better than he had for days. It could only had have been of good things.

When he felt completely awake, he allowed himself to open his eyes. He stretched out again, glanced at his alarm clock and saw with surprise that it was already nearly 10am. He had really had a good night’s sleep. He couldn’t remember when he had slept for so long.

It was only when he got out of bed and stood up that it suddenly struck him. The pain was gone. Not completely gone, he still felt a bit tense in his lower back, but he could actually stand up and even walk without almost any difficulty. He was limping a bit, that was all.

He was about to jump in joy but he stopped himself at the last second. The doctor would surely not approve. Neither would his back. It wasn’t the time to do stupid things. He knew the risk when the pain started to disappear was to think that he could do whatever he wanted, and that was how he could make a wrong move and hurt himself more seriously. So instead of jumping he grabbed his phone to spread the good news.

_No pain this morning :D_

He knew Alex was working and couldn’t reply for a while, so he put his phone back on the bedside table, and went to take a shower - alone and without any help this time. Well, he wouldn’t have complained if Alex had been there with him. He groaned at the thought and turned the hot water into something colder to stop himself from thinking about it.

When he got out of the bathroom, his hair still damp from the shower, he found his phone already beeping. He had two new messages, both coming from Alex.

_Good!_

_But don’t forget to take your pills. And stay in bed :)_

A grin was spread across his face. He quickly typed a reply.

_My bed is empty without you._

_You’re a big boy, I’m sure you can manage without me._

He could almost see her smirking at her phone while she had written this last text.

_It doesn’t feel the same when I’m on my own._

He waited for her to reply, but it never came. He thought she must have been called back on set, it was time for him to really begin his day.

Nothing really important happened. He had his breakfast, allowing himself to sit at his table this time and it felt good to do something so _normal_. He’d had to lay down for only two days and had already forgotten how enjoyable it would be to just sit on a chair to eat.

The rest of the morning he checked his emails and read the new scripts Steven had sent him. He focused on learning his new lines and tried to imagine what the new scenes would look like.

In the afternoon he ate from one of the plates Alex had prepared him, then was interrupted by Karen phoning him. He spent the first minutes listening to her yelling at him; he had nearly died and nobody had told her - why hadn’t he called her. And was he okay, should she ask for a few days break and come to see him? How did he manage alone? He had to calm her down and it took him twenty minutes to reassure her, telling that he was sorry that he hadn’t called her, but that he was feeling better today and Alex was taking care of him, and no she didn’t need to fly back from L.A. just to check he was alright. They ended up talking about her current shooting and when she eventually hung up, he realised they had been on the phone for an hour.

He wondered what he could do next, finally giving up the idea of watching more telly again, and instead taking a book and trying to read. When he looked up, only ten minutes had passed and he sighed. One day alone feeling better and everything seemed to be boring already. He wished Alex could be there with him. He was sure she would think of something to do. Even if it was just talking about each other it would be better than staying here on his own.

The rest of the day passed slowly, Matt doing nothing interesting and counting every minute. When the sun set he began to hope, checking his phone every second and jumping at each sound he could hear. Alex had promised she would come to see him and she shouldn’t have been long by now. At least he hoped too.

When he started to lose hope, thinking that maybe she had forgotten him and maybe he should send her a text to check that everything was okay, his phone beeped. He opened the new text faster than he should have.

_Sorry, we’re still filming. Don’t wait for me._

He couldn’t stop the sigh of regret that escaped him. He sent her a text to tell her he was okay and that he was sorry she was still stuck on set. He even added that she should go straight back to her flat after she would be done. She would certainly be tired and she shouldn’t lose her time with him when she could be sleeping.

So instead he ate alone, and when at 10 he hadn’t had any news from her, he decided that he should go to sleep. He hoped he would see her later, he wouldn't survive another boring day like this one.

x.

If Matt’s day had been boring, for Alex it was the contrary. She hadn’t stopped for a second. She was out of bed at five, arrived on set a bit more after 6. The first hours were dedicated to do her hair, apply make up and put her outfit on. Then she was dragged on set and the shooting began. There were only doing the scenes when she was alone today, so it meant she would have to change several times and would have to stay focused all day long.

She managed to have a break in the morning, when they needed to calibrate one of the cameras She then noticed Matt had sent her a text and she was pleased to see that he was feeling better. It was also another source of worry because she wasn’t able to check if he really stayed in bed as he was supposed to. So she sent a first reply to tell him she was happy, and then couldn’t help to add another one to warn him, without being too mothering (at least she hoped to).

A few minutes later he was answering and teasing her. She replied with the same tone, grinning. If he was back to the usual flirting, he was really feeling better. She couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to be in his bed and her cheeks blushed. It was a bad idea. She shouldn’t really think about things like that.

She jumped when her name was called and she had to leave her phone and get back on set again. She couldn’t find another moment to text him again, and as a matter of fact she barely had the time to think about him. When she finally took another break, it was already late in the evening and they had a last scene to wrap. She knew she would never be able to go and visit him like she had promised. She sent him a single text to warn him she would be late.

It was almost midnight when she was finally released. She sighed, wondering if it wasn’t too late to go and check if he was okay. He had told her not to come and she was tempted to follow his advice. She was tired, but she also felt that she wouldn’t be able to sleep if she didn’t see him tonight. Plus, there was a chance that he wouldn’t be asleep; he was used to go to sleep far later than that after all.

So she didn’t listen to her swollen feet and drove directly to his place. She hesitated a second when she arrived and realised all his lights were off, but she hadn’t driven the whole way here to turn back now, had she?

The apartment was dark when she entered. She turned just one light on and tried to stay as silent as possible as she took her coat off. Looking around her, she realised the room was in the same state she had found it a few days ago; new plates in the sink, a book abandoned on the sofa, crumbs on the carpet... And she had only been gone for a day. She smiled fondly; how could he even manage when she wasn’t there?

She decided she would clean up later and walked to his bedroom. He was there, deeply asleep and snoring soundly. She felt a weight on her chest disappeared at the sight of him. His face seemed relaxed and he really looked better than he had been.

She approached and climbed on the bed, propping herself on her elbow to stare at him. He stirred in his sleep and turned on his side, facing her. A smile was spread across his face, and she wondered what he was dreaming about. She couldn’t resist running her fingers in his hair, and this time she wasn’t interrupted. She sighed, pulling her hand back and resting her head against the pillow. He looked so peaceful, she quickly lost herself in staring at him and she didn’t even realise she was falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

In the blurry state between dream and consciousness; his sheets soft and warm around him, Matt felt good. He snuggled further against his pillow and gripped the duvet tighter against him. This one resisted, so he tugged stronger. After a few attempts, it was still not moving. Groaning in frustration, Matt gave up and just moved deeper under the cover. He came in contact with more warmth and softness, and it felt even better.

He had no idea how much time had passed before he started to feel something tickling his nose. He rubbed his head against the pillow and for a few seconds the feeling disappeared, before coming back again. He did the same motion again, unwilling to move or open his eyes, only wanting to go back to his dream as fast as possible. But the tickling refused to leave. Eventually he brought his hand to his face. This was how he knew that something was wrong.

His hand hit something. For a second, his blurry mind tried to guess what it could be, looking for what Matt could have let on his bed. The remote of the telly maybe? A cushion that had moved? A bunch of the covers that had formed during his sleep? Except it couldn’t be the first one, the thing was bigger. And warmer. And it was harder than a cushion or a piece of sheets. No, it felt like... It felt like a human body. There was someone in his bed.

Matt snapped his eyes open in surprise, panicking for a brief second. Who was there? What had happened? He couldn’t remember falling asleep with someone else yesterday. He had spent the day alone and the evening alone, going to bed after waiting for Alex but she had never come.

The first thing he could see was curly and light and in the dark of his room it took him a moment to recognize it was hair. It also explained the tickling on his nose - he was sleeping with his face buried in the curls. He pulled away, brushing the hair off; trying to reveal who they belonged to.

Alex.

Of course it was Alex. He should have recognized her the moment he saw the amount of curls. Nobody had the same hair as her. She was also the only person that could have entered his flat at that hour of the night. She had promised she would see him yesterday, and she did it after all. Of course she hadn’t listened to him when he had told her to go directly back to her house. Not Alex, who had seemed so worried about him since his accident and who kept doing everything to help him, thinking about his comfort before hers. No, Alex had worked all day long on set and she had been so exhausted when she’d finally come to him that she had fallen asleep on his bed.

Matt sighed. He should speak to her. He hadn’t realised before now how tired she was and how difficult it must be for her to take care of him as she did. He had only listened to his heart, to the delicious feeling of having her next to him, without thinking that maybe she should be somewhere else - well, he had thought about it, but it hadn’t seemed important until now. He couldn’t keep taking advantage of her kindness any longer. He was hurting her and he was hurting himself at the same time, living in a dream of the intimacy they would never have.

His decision to speak to her in the morning, he shifted away from her. Somehow his legs had taken place between hers and it didn’t feel appropriate. He tried to be as delicate as possible, but Alex stirred and the next second she opened her eyes to him.

“Hi!” he greeted her, and it took her a moment to realise where she was and whom she was with. She propped herself on her elbows, her eyes opening wider as she began to apologize profusely.

“Oh, Matt, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise...” Was she blushing? He regretted he couldn’t see well in the dark, she must look absolutely ravishing with her hair wild around her head, the mark of the sheets on her cheek and her clothes in disarray. “I must have fallen asleep, I didn’t mean to... I’m sorry, i’ll go.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder, and she fell back on the bed without much resistance. “It’s the middle of the night, I won’t let you go outside and drive alone now.”

It was true. No matter what decision he had just taken, it would be mad to let her go out now.

“But, I...” she began and he cut her off.

“Kingston. Don’t force me to tie you up.”

It made her laugh. She opened her mouth, as if to reply something as cheeky as his words, but then she changed her mind and bit her cheek. Instead, she nodded. “Okay.”

He loosened his grip on her shoulder as he felt her relax. For a moment they said nothing, just looking at each other in the dark.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered, apologizing again but this time calmer. “I came to check you were fine, but you were already sleeping. I hadn’t planned to stay, I just... I didn’t realise I was drifting off.”

“I know, it’s okay.” Something passed in her eyes and he couldn’t say if she was pleased or disappointed by his answer. She avoided looking at him, her fingers tracing again and again the same folds of the sheets. There was something odd in her attitude that he had never felt before. He didn’t know if it was caused by their sudden proximity, the perspective of sleeping together for the rest of the night or something else he couldn’t define. Or was he simply overthinking, like he had done a lot recently? There had been all those little details, and that bigger question...

“Matt, I...”

“Why are you doing all this?” He was so absorbed he didn’t realise she was speaking and that he interrupted her. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I didn’t want to cut you off.”

“No, it’s okay. You’re right. I wanted to talk about it anyway.”

There was silence between them, and Matt felt confused. What did she want to talk about exactly?

“I’m sorry,” she started after taking a deep breath, “I know I’ve been here a lot, staying all day long it must be too much. But you didn’t say anything. I would have left if you asked me to. But you didn’t, and I couldn’t simply go and leave you alone. Even when I came back home at night, I knew you were alone and I couldn’t sleep. I tried not to be too invading, but I realise now I must have been. I had to come tonight because I couldn’t stop myself but it can’t last.”

“I don’t understand.” It was true. He didn’t understand what she was trying to say. Or, to be more precise, he didn’t know if he understood what she wanted to mean or he simply projected his own hopes in her words - again.

Alex took a deep breath and looked straight into his eyes, her voice barely trembling. “I care about you Matt. I care about you more than I should, more than I could tell. When I saw you falling and lying still after your harness broke, and for a few seconds I thought that you were gone, that I had lost you, forever... I realised I had to _do_ something. Since then I had tried to talk to you, but it was never the right moment, you weren’t ready or well enough to hear it, and I thought that maybe you would understand. And if you didn’t understand, maybe I could just go on and act like it wasn’t important. I thought I could live, without you knowing. _Without you_... But I can’t. I’m sorry, I know you don’t feel the same and I shouldn’t tell you that, but...”

Matt cut her off. He had heard enough. He had to prove that she was wrong about lots of things and the first one was to think that he didn’t care about her and that he wouldn’t have understood, or even wished the same as her. But she was talking and she seemed so lost in her rambling that she hadn’t realised his own reaction, or misinterpreted it. So he spoke to her the only way he knew would work. He cupped her face and kissed her.

She gasped in surprise and for a brief second Matt was afraid he hadn’t understood anything about what she had just said because it was like she was about to pull away. But then she relaxed and kissed him back, moaning. Her hands moved to the back of his neck, moving him closer.

The kiss was gentle at first, just the brushing of lips against lips. Of course they had kissed before; but it had been different, they were in characters. Now it was them, for real. It was a bit intimidating, and at the same time it was much more thrilling. After all those years, he was finally kissing Alex and she was kissing him. It was better than everything he had imagined. He never wanted to stop.

Eventually, soft touches didn’t feel enough. Matt didn’t know who deepened the kiss first, but it didn’t really matter. His tongue stroked Alex’s, eliciting little noises from her he instantly loved. When she sucked his lower lip and it was his time to moan. Her hands roamed over his body, down his chest and dipped under his t-shirt. Her hands were cold against his skin and he could feel her smile when his muscles quivered at the touch. He understood it as permission and so he did the same, his fingers exploring her body. She trembled when he stroked the bit of skin between her jeans and her shirt, and she squirmed against him when he moved higher and squeezed her breasts gently through her bra.

“Matt,” she gasped, gasping for air. They were both panting, and he wondered if his face was as red as hers - because there was no doubt now, she was blushing.

“Alex,” he replied, his tone innocent. She smiled before kissing him again, this time without any hesitation. Their touches got more confident after that and soon they got rid of their clothes that blocked most of their movements. Once they were both naked, it was easier to explore each other. Matt couldn't resist, his mouth descending to her breasts; licking, sucking, nipping while she writhed and moaned delightfully. When he was satisfied, he moved his hand lower, caressing her stomach before reaching between her legs.

She moved her mouth off of him, her nails digging into his skin as he stroked her. Her thighs opened easily for him, pushing against his hands but he took his time, discovering her, trying to map her. She was soft and already so wet, the skin there like velvet and he couldn’t get enough of just caressing her.

“Please,” she groaned in frustration, her fingers going down between their bodies to try to catch his wrists. He smacked her away gently, before finally complying, pushing two fingers inside of her. Her muscles spasmed around him, and he thought he would wait but she was already moving and trying to get what she could.

After a moment they found a rhythm, him stroking her while she kept undulating around his fingers, and he could feel her coming closer and closer, before she suddenly grabbed his arm and tried to push him away.

“Stop, Matt, stop,” she begged him, panting heavily. He did as he was asked, smiling smugly while she tugged him by his hair and back to her. They kissed with passion, their legs tangling and it didn’t feel inappropriate at all this time. She pressed closer, rolling her hips against his with need.

“Want you,” she breathed out and he couldn’t but agree.

“Want you too.”

He nudged her lightly to push her down, but she stopped him. “On your back,” she pushed him and he looked at her. He didn’t know if he should be confused or extremely aroused by her taking charge. “The doctor said you must lie down,” she explained, and he pouted.

“Oi, this is just a bad excuse for you to be on top.”

“Maybe,” she admitted, straddling his waist and bending so her breasts were brushing against him and her lips stood a few inches from his. “But don’t say you don’t like it.”

With that she rolled her hips against him and his reply was lost in a groan. She kissed him again with more passion, and he felt like he would burst if they waited longer. Still holding and stroking her with one hand, he managed to rummaged in his bedside table’s draw to find what he needed. Once he found it, Alex tore it out of his hand, pulling away from him and rolling the condom around his aching member. Before he could even breathe she lined herself up and sand down onto him and they both stilled, gasping.

It felt like an eternity before she finally moved. It took him all his strength not to come instantly. It was years of secret desire and frustration that finally found a release and he wouldn’t be able to wait a long time. Fortunately she seemed to be as close as he was. They moved together for a moment, before she sped up the pace. In a short time, she screamed and trembled above him. A few thrusts and he followed her, holding her tightly.

They didn’t move for a moment, catching their breath and enjoying being close to each other. Finally she rolled onto his side and he disposed of the condom, before reaching for her. She pressed against him, her head resting on his chest and her arm wrapped around his stomach. He stroked her hair lazily, and she could feel her slowly relax.

“Why you didn’t say anything before?” he finally whispered.

“Why didn’t you?” she replied with a sleepy voice.

“I don’t know,” he admitted softly and she nodded.

“Right. Now hush, I’m trying to sleep.”

He smiled and kissed her forehead as she snuggled closer against him. Soon she was asleep and it wasn’t long before he was as well.  


	8. Chapter 8

 It was a light touch that awoke Alex the next morning. A soft caress on her skin as she stretched and sighed in contentment. She smiled as the stroke continued on her stomach, and a kiss was placed gently upon her breast.

“Hello,” she said, still a bit sleepy.

“Hello.” She could feel Matt’s nose brushing against her neck before he placed another kiss there. She tugged on his hair, dragging him up until she could reach for his lips and kiss him properly. They were both breathless when they parted. Alex allowed herself to open her eyes then, only to find Matt staring at her, a smile lighting his face. She stroked his cheek, his growing beard scratching her palm. She couldn't believe it was real.

“You didn’t change your mind?” Matt frowned at her question, his hand on her stomach stopping its stroking for a second.

“Change my mind? Why do you want me to change my mind?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, looking down, “it happened so fast. You were tired, so was I. You could have had a second thought about it.”

“I have been thinking about it for a _long_ time, I won’t change my mind now. Will you?”

He looked anxious for a moment, but she smiled. “I won’t.” He relaxed instantly, kissing her again and she sighed against his mouth. “But...” he pulled back, but not too much, just so he could look into her eyes as she spoke, “it won’t be easy.”

“I know,”

“There are lots of reasons why we shouldn’t...”

“I _know_ ,” he repeated, and there was no doubt; he had already thought about it. But he didn’t want to think about it, and she didn’t want to insist. They would have plenty of time later to talk. Or maybe they wouldn't. They could just wait, and see what the future brought them.

“Okay.”

He smiled before kissing her forehead and sitting up.

“Want something to eat? I know we’ve passed breakfast but I’m starving.”

He was about to stand up, his feet already on the ground, but she stopped him. “Matt, stop. You can’t.”

“Why?” He frowned at her. She tried to stay serious, but couldn’t help grinning.

“You know why. The doctor said you have to stay in bed.” He got the hint directly. His eyes darkened and he turned back completely.

“Make me.”

“Maybe I will.”

She grabbed his arm and pushed him back onto the bed. He didn’t even try to fight, kissing her hungrily. Soon, the idea of standing up seemed to be forgotten, and she wondered how he could even have thought about it in the first place.

In the end, Matt realised that being ill and force to lie in bed for the rest of the week didn’t feel such a deal, now that Alex was with him. As a fact, they spent all their time between the sheets, and she didn’t really have to force him.

When the doctor visited him a week after his accident, and told him that he thought Matt could walk now and didn’t have to lie down anymore, he almost regretted it.

**_the end_ **


End file.
